Of Two Worlds
by Lilangel4u
Summary: Dearka and Miriallia met under the worst of circumstances, but an undeniable, unspoken attraction between them still occurred. How did the worst of meetings turn into something more? Based on interpretations of events during the show both onscreen and off
1. The Worst of First Meetings

Of Two Worlds

Disclaimer/Author's Note: Gundam Seed and its characters are not mine, and they never will be. But that doesn't mean I can't love them! In any case, this is my first Gundam Seed fanfic. I'm deviating from my series Gundam Wing: Battle of the Next Generation, because I finally watched those twenty-some CDs of Gundam Seed that my friend gave me…and now I'm hopelessly in love with the Dearka/Miriallia pairing. The point of this story is to explore the relationship between Dearka and Miriallia during, and eventually, after the series. The moments shown between them are usually relatively brief but also laden with significance and ambiguity. Just what were they thinking when they interacted, both on and off screen? In an effort to stay as true to the series as possible, I will quote actual lines from the show (as taken from the subbed version that I have), but I will throw in some of my own, especially as the story progresses, and I will give my interpretation of what I think they were thinking in the form alternating first person narratives from the two characters.

I hope you enjoy! Since this is my first Gundam Seed fanfic; in fact, this is my first non-Gundam Wing fanfic, I would appreciate any feedback you would have to offer. Thanks!

The war was finally over. After the destruction of Yakin Duue and subsequently GENESIS, both sides had finally agreed to negotiate a cease fire. Some members key to the conflict were put on trial, some were let off. Everyone, however, just wanted to move on. The war had claimed countless lives, and the people were tired of killing each other out of hatred and revenge. An existence based on revenge was meaningless and empty, and the people had finally realized it.

Dearka quickly glanced over the paperwork an assistant had handed to him, and nodded his approval, sending the assistant running off again. He sighed, and glanced about him. ZAFT was busy rebuilding itself, as was the Earth, and he had wanted to be a part of it. PLANT was his home, ZAFT had been his livelihood for most of his life. His father was a distinguished member of PLANT's highest council, and he had been one of the five elite soldiers selected to pilot the stolen Gundams. Now, he served as a bodyguard for Yzak, his best friend and fellow soldier who was now a member of PLANT's council, who was at the moment in a meeting, and Dearka was waiting for him to finish. And yet, he had defected during the war…

Dearka shook his head. No, he had never defected. He had never betrayed his loyalty to PLANT, or at least, he'd like to think of it that way. True, he had surrendered to the Earth's forces once Buster had been shot down, but that was only because he saw no point in dying. He certainly had never planned on becoming one of them; his scornful behavior towards his captors had been meant to see to that. But that was all before Miriallia came into the picture-

"Dearka! DEARKA!"

Dearka abruptly yanked himself out of his daydream as he became aware of Yzak standing in front of him, eyebrows furrowed in mock annoyance. "Dearka, what do you think you're doing? If someone manages to kill me while you're on the job, it'll be your fault! Come on, you volunteered for this job! Either do your job or don't offer to do it at all!" Yzak admonished him.

Dearka grinned. "Sorry Yzak, just lost my focus for a little bit," he said.

Yzak shook his head. "Lost your focus huh?" Before Dearka could interrupt, he continued right on. "Let me guess: You were thinking of a certain Natural that was the CIC of the Archangel. Am I right?"

Dearka glared at the smug expression of his friend. "Yeah well, Natural or Coordinator, it doesn't matter anymore anyway," he grumbled, trying not to blush.

Yzak's expression softened. "You're right…It doesn't matter anymore," he said in a gentler tone. "While we're on the subject, what happened to her anyway? Or more correctly, to you and her?"

Dearka sighed, eyes downcast. Turning away from Yzak, he muttered, "So anyway, how did that meeting go? Everything working out with the Earth's representatives?"

"The meeting went fine, and I know you're trying to change the subject. So what happened?"

Dearka glared at Yzak, who was looking all too smug for his liking. "Since when did you care about stuff like this anyway?" Dearka growled, turning to stalk off.

Yzak followed him. "Don't get me wrong Dearka. I wouldn't be asking you about your love life, or your lack thereof, if I didn't think it was bothering you."

Dearka sighed, and slowed down. Throwing himself into the nearest chair, he stared at the ground and said, "Well…it just wasn't good timing, you know?"

Yzak followed his example and also sat down. "Not good timing? You two were on the same ship! If that wasn't good timing, I don't know what is."

"No no, it's not that. I was captured the same day her boyfriend was killed in battle by Athrun…"

…………………

Elsewhere on Earth, Miriallia sat at home, staring at a picture of Tolle. "Tolle…" she said softly, burying her head in her knees. It had only been a few months since the end of the war, and the grief caused by his death still haunted her. After the war ended, everyone had gone their separate ways: Cagalli was determined to rebuild Orb, and Athrun had left ZAFT to help her. Kira and Lacus had settled down with Markio and the orphans. Murrue had needed some time off from the military to mourn Mwu's death, and Ssigh had returned to his studies. She, on the other hand, had returned to Earth, and shut herself in her home. She knew she could join Cagalli and Athrun; after all, Orb was her place of origin, and she knew she would've been welcomed at Markio's house, or she could've even returned to school with Ssigh and Kuzzey…but she just couldn't. Things had happened in the war so quickly that she needed time off to heal. She needed time to recover from how she, an average college student, had suddenly had her home invaded, how she had been arrested, how she had enlisted, how her boyfriend was killed, how her homeland was destroyed, how she met Dearka…

Yes, Dearka was the main reason for her sudden retreat from the daily events of the world. Conflicting feelings swam inside of her, feelings that had begun the moment she first met him on the Archangel. That fateful day, when Tolle had been killed and Dearka suddenly appeared in her life…

…………………

Yzak looked at Dearka curiously. "You know, you never did tell me anything about this girl…what was her name again? I just remember it as being long and complicated…"

"Her name is Miriallia, and of course I didn't tell you! I didn't want anyone to know about it," Dearka snapped irritably.

"Why not?" Yzak challenged, not put off by Dearka's tone.

"It…I…" Dearka stammered, unsure of what to say. He finally sighed and said wearily, "Everything was just so confusing. So many things were left unspoken, open to speculation. The circumstances we were in were hopelessly complicated. Everything just…I didn't want to say anything because I don't even know what's going on!"

flashback

"Seriously! Stop treating me so bad! I'm wounded here!"

I glared at the guards behind him. I couldn't believe what had happened: Shot down by a Natural bastard, Buster taken from me, taken captive, all the while being wounded in the process. Well, it was probably my pride that was wounded more seriously than my body, but I still wasn't going to give these Naturals an easy time of it! I smirked as they glared at me in irritation, and jabbed me in the back once more with their guns. I obliged them and continued walking down the hallway.

"Geez…how long were you planning on keeping me here?"

"Shut up!"

I rolled my eyes but kept walking. Suddenly I heard whispering.

"It's the pilot of Buster."

"He's young."

Startled, I glanced up…just in time to see a girl in uniform with a tearstained face, cowering behind two of her comrades. But I have to admit, she was pretty cute, so I stopped and bent down to take a closer look. Leering at her, I said, "So a ship like this has a cute little girl like this huh?" placing emphasis on the words "little girl."

Her comrades glared at me. "Hey!" they snarled.

I didn't care. Cute or not, this girl was a Natural, which made her subhuman. Besides, if she was a soldier, why was she crying anyway? I continued my taunting relentlessly. "How stupid! What are you crying for?"

She looked up at me, tears in her eyes. I grinned, then sauntered off, saying, "I should be the one who wants to cry."

…………………

"You know, Tolle, I met Dearka the day you died," Miriallia said quietly. She stared out her window, lost in thought. Chuckling slightly, she murmured, "We certainly had a rough start: He had a terrible attitude, and since I met him right after you died, his attitude made me think he had been the one who killed you."

flashback

"I should be the one who wants to cry," he had said. The words echoed mockingly in my head. Did that mean he had been the one who killed Tolle? Next to me, I heard Ssigh snarl and lunge, only to be stopped by a soldier. "It's prohibited to do anything harsh to a prisoner," he admonished him. Hearing that, the pilot turned around once again, smirking. I fought back my tears. If he had been the one who had killed Tolle…

Ssigh saw the look on my face and led me to the cafeteria. I could only stare at my food. "Miriallia, you should at least eat something…" Ssigh chided gently. "So you can sleep…I guess that's not possible…" he finished, more to himself than me. In the background, I could hear other soldiers talking…something about working and being shorthanded. Their words blended together, making no sense…until I heard them say, "We only have Sky Grasper One now…"

Those words knocked me out of my reverie. Tears welled up in my eyes again, and I knew I was shaking. Poor Ssigh…he grabbed both our trays, put them away, then put his hand on my shoulder. "Milly…let's go," he said gently. I stood up numbly, too shocked to do anything else but listen to his words. Hugging myself in an effort to control my shaking, we walked down the hall, Ssigh's gentle hand guiding me as I tried not to cry. I think I heard Fllay's voice; I knew Ssigh stopped to talk to her briefly, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. All I knew was that we were suddenly at the infirmary, and Ssigh was telling me to go inside. "I'll go get medication from the doctor or something…You should sleep a little, or something" and he was gone, leaving me to stumble my way heavily over to the nearest chair. I sank down wearily, but before I could rest, I heard a voice from behind me.

"Hey doctor!"

…………………

I was annoyed. At least they had taken me to the infirmary and treated me instead of throwing me in a cell, but it had been hours since I had seen a doctor. When I finally heard the doctor come in and sit down next to my bed, I took it as an opportunity to act obnoxious once again and called out to him.

Well, it turns out it wasn't the doctor. It was the cute crying girl I had seen before, and at the sound of my voice, she jerked around, saw me, then abruptly jumped out of her chair, staring at me in shock. I looked at her, at first confused as to why she had such a horror-filled expression on her face, but soon got over it. She had clearly been crying again, and I pounced on that.

"What's with that face? Am I that scary? Do I look that unique? It's okay. I'm tied securely, see?" and I sat up, showing her my bound hands. Obviously, this dim-witted Natural must've been terrified to see me, a Coordinator, even if I was bound. In any case, she continued to stare at me, and I continued to taunt her.

"But…you're crying again?" I closed my eyes smugly and lay back down. "Why is a girl like you on a ship like this? Why don't you just throw away your uniform if you're so scared? Right? Or maybe your dumb, worthless Natural boyfriend croaked or something?"

I was loving it. I knew my words were making her cry harder, but I didn't care. Hey, I had already decided not to make this easy for them, and this was like taking candy from a baby. Or at least, it was until I saw her shadow looming over me, and the knife that was suddenly swinging down towards my head.

…………………

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. All I could hear was his words, each stabbing me harder than the next. But it wasn't until he mentioned Tolle that something in me finally snapped. I saw something shining in the corner of my eye: It was a knife, lying in a drawer. Suddenly, it was in my hand, and I was stabbing it into that pilot's head. Or least, his pillow. He had seen me, and suddenly sat up. Staring at me in shock, he sputtered, "What are you doing, bitch?!"

I didn't care. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to rip him to pieces. I wanted him to die, just as he'd killed Tolle. I lunged at him again, and this time I managed to graze his forehead, knocking both of us, as well as the bed curtain, onto the ground. I slowly got to my knees: His eyes were closed, and the shock had clearly surprised him. It was my chance to kill him, but suddenly I felt someone yanking me to my feet. "Miriallia!"

It was Ssigh. "Let go!" I screamed, struggling against him. I wanted that pilot dead. I wanted his mocking voice to stop. I wanted him to disappear, just as Tolle had disappeared. "Calm down Milly!" Ssigh said desperately.

"Tolle…Tolle is gone!" I shouted back at him, still struggling. Why was Ssigh holding me back? Why was he stopping me? Didn't he see how unfair, how cruel it all was? If someone as good as Tolle was gone, what right did his murderer have to still even exist?

"Why is a guy like this…Why is a guy like this still here?!" I screamed, glaring down at him.

…………………

I winced and sat up. She'd definitely gotten me the second time, but I was surprised at how I was still alive, considering how long the shock had kept me on the ground. But as soon as I opened my eyes, I had my answer: The same guy from before had suddenly showed up, and he had pulled her away. She was struggling, screaming, but her next words hit me hard: "Why is a guy like this still here?!" she cried, staring at me with tear-filled eyes of anger and grief. I was shocked. This entire time…it had just been a game to me. But as I watched her sob, I realized that my joke had gone too far: In a cruel twist of fate, I had guessed right when I asked if her boyfriend had been killed. I watched as she crumpled against her friend. "Why?" she cried desperately. "Tolle…He's not here…why?"

I felt terrible. It had been so easy before, when all I had to do was follow orders; when I was told that Naturals weren't human, that they were inferior to us Coordinators. But this sobbing girl in front of me was undeniably human. She had a face, she had a life, she had had a boyfriend that perhaps…I might've been responsible for killing. She had feelings, and I had cruelly taken advantage of them.

Unfortunately, I was distracted by an all too familiar clicking sound. I turned and stared: Sometime during our scuffle, another girl had come into the room. The clicking sound had come from the gun that was in her hand…and aimed towards me. I could only watch her dumbly, too emotionally stunned to do anything. Staring at me with hateful eyes, holding the gun with shaking hands, she hissed, "Bastards like Coordinators…they must all be wiped out!"

…………………

I heard the click of the safety being switched off in a gun, and I stared at the doorway. Fllay had appeared, and she had somehow gotten her hands on a gun…a gun that was aimed at the pilot. I saw her fear, but most importantly, I saw her hatred. I saw the hatred that I had seen all too often before, and I suddenly realized something: Fllay was going to kill him. "Bastards like Coordinators…they must all be wiped out!" she cried as her finger moved towards the trigger.

I don't know what happened, but suddenly, I was running towards her. I knew very well that I was in her way, and that if that trigger was pulled, I would be hit. But the alternative…shooting the pilot, somehow, I couldn't allow that to happen, even if that meant putting my own life in danger. Desperately, I reached out and swatted her hand…just as she pulled the trigger.

…………………

I winced reflexively as I heard the explosion of the gun. I felt glass shower down on me…glass? Surprised, I opened my eyes and stared. The girl I had been taunting…Milliaria? Milly? In any case, she who had been so desperate to kill me, she who I had hurt terribly and who had every right to kill me, had just saved my life. Both girls had been knocked to the ground; she must've pushed the second girl away from me. But to do that…that would've meant endangering herself. I couldn't understand any of it, and so I sat there helplessly, watching as she cried from her position on top of her stunned friend.

…………………

By some miracle, all of us were still alive. I was sobbing on Fllay's chest, while Fllay lay shocked on the ground. The feelings inside me were tearing me apart: How could I betray Tolle by rescuing his murderer? But at the same time, just because he had killed Tolle, what right did I have to kill him? Then again, it would've been Fllay who'd killed him, but if I hadn't stopped her, would that have made me partially responsible? It was painful and confusing, and I wearily climbed off of Fllay, still sniffling. I heard Ssigh put the safety back on, and Fllay glared at me angrily. "What are you doing?" she demanded.

I didn't know what to say, which made Fllay even angrier. "Why did you stop me? You tried to kill him too! You hate that bastard too!"

…………………

I cringed at the girl's harsh words. Of course she hated me. She had every right to; I'd killed her boyfriend. But for some reason…she shook her head. Tears continued to come out of her eyes; I could see the conflict within her, and yet…she didn't hate me? But…why? How could she possibly not? I was stunned.

Meanwhile, the other girl continued her verbal assault. "That Coordinator who killed Tolle!" she cried, frustrated by her friend's seeming refusal to hate me.

…………………

Fllay was consumed by her rage. The same temper that I had seen through her abuse of both Kira and Ssigh was manifesting itself again, this time towards the captive pilot. I knew I should've agreed with her. I kept on trying to tell myself that I hated him, that I wanted to kill him, but as I watched her, I knew that I didn't feel the same way she did. I couldn't. I didn't want to become like her, full of hate. No matter what this pilot had done to Tolle, no matter what he had done to me…Fllay's reaction just seemed so empty. And at that moment, I realized just how disturbed and traumatized Fllay had become, and I pitied her. She hated him just because he was a Coordinator, and not because he had done anything to wrong her.

In the mean time, Fllay stood up. "What is this?! You're the same! You and I are the same!"

"Fllay!" I heard Ssigh exclaim.

"No…" I said softly.

…………………

I stared at her in shock. No? Did she just say no? That she didn't hate me?

The other girl, Fllay was her name apparently, had stood up, but…Milly still stayed sitting on the ground, tearfully shaking her head. "No…I'm not. I'm not!" she cried, looking up and staring tearfully but resolutely at her friends. I was speechless, hopelessly confused…and touched. This girl, despite being an enemy soldier and a Natural, was showing me, a Coordinator, more humanity than I had seen in long time, even from allies. But before I could say anything, the door opened, and two soldiers walked in. "What is this?! What's going on?" they demanded.

Well, that was that. My head was bandaged, and I was quickly whisked off again, same bound hands and gun in the back style, but this time to a much less comfortable bed in a jail cell. This time, however, I went without the snide comments. The events that had just transpired were making my head spin, and I was still trying to piece things together.

In any case, I was taken to the prison, my hands unbound, and then locked in and left alone to my own thoughts in the dark. I sighed and lay down on the bed, then made the mistake of rolling over. "Ouch!" I grumbled, wincing. Readjusting myself, I thought back to what had just happened: My taunts, her anger and grief. "Who would've thought I'd hit the bull's eye…?" I said to myself sadly, rolling myself back over to stare at the ceiling. I needed time to think. If I had killed her boyfriend…then she had every right to hate me, as well as every right to kill me. I would willingly accept the consequences, a thought which surprised even me. I certainly had never thought of that before. But then…what if I hadn't been the one? Would she hate me still?

…………………

When the soldiers arrived, we fortunately didn't have to explain much: The knife, broken glass, gun, and the pilot's bleeding forehead did all the talking. We were all sent away, and the pilot was taken off to a jail cell. I returned to my bed to sit and think. How did I get so carried away? I couldn't believe that I was angry enough to want to kill him…but at the same time, what made me stop? Something about him had made me change my mind, but how was that possible? He hadn't done anything to make me like him; he had done the exact opposite. So then…why?

Finally, I decided. I had to go see him. I had to see Tolle's murderer again, this time rational and level-headed, and decide for myself whether to hate him, or to…I don't know what. And I was scared to think of the possibilities of what that could be.

A few moments later, I was down at the jail. I flattened myself against the wall and attempted to calm myself down, but the mere thought of even seeing him again reminded me of how I tried to kill him. It was a scary memory that sent shivers down my spine. Finally, however, I gathered my courage and jumped in front of his cell.

…………………

That girl must not have had a single soldier's bone in her, because as I pondered over the events of the last hour, I suddenly realized that there was someone watching me. I immediately sat up…just as Milly whatever her name was jumped in front of my cell. I don't know what it was she was expecting, but she was clearly shocked to see me expecting her appearance. I, however, was equally shocked that it was her of all people who had appeared. But in any case, my sitting up and waiting for her flustered her so much that she turned and tried to run away, but this time, I was determined to actually have a real conversation with her. "Wait!" I said desperately, only half expecting her to listen.

She stopped. Then she turned around, glancing at me uncertainly with those blue eyes of hers. Seeing those eyes rendered me speechless. "Well…" I said meekly, nervously looking away. She just kept looking at me, eyes filled with hope, expectation, fear…more emotions than I could ever hope to understand. All I knew was…I couldn't even look at her straight in the face. I finally managed to turn back slightly and stammer, "Your boyfriend…where did he…?" and I couldn't finish.

…………………

I had been surprised enough that he had asked me to wait, and even more surprised when he attempted a real conversation. But…why did he ask about Tolle? And why did he ask with such an uncertain look on his face? I wondered how it was possible that this person in front of me was the same person who had mercilessly tormented me just a few hours ago. Finally, however, I answered his question. "He was piloting the Sky Grasper," I said softly, staring at my feet. "On the island…when you guys attacked…"

"Sky Grasper?" I could hear the bewilderment in his voice. "A fighter…blue and white…" I clarified, still not looking at him. I didn't want to hear what he'd have to say…I didn't want to hear him say how he'd killed Tolle, or when it exactly happened, or where-

"It's not me."

Surprised, I turned around to look at him.

…………………

A wave of relief hit me, and I lay back down. She had turned around, and was staring at me again with those big blue eyes of hers. "What's wrong? If you came to kill me, you can kill me," I said wearily. Even if I hadn't been responsible for her boyfriend's death, I had still wronged her greatly. I had insulted her, and I saw no reason why I should be pardoned for it. I knew I certainly wouldn't be merciful to anyone who treated me the way I treated her. Besides, she was a Natural and I was a Coordinator…wasn't that reason enough?

But all she did was look at me.

…………………

So he hadn't killed Tolle after all, and not only that, he was willing to die anyway. His actions threw me into a confused state, and for awhile, I just stood there, staring at him. I had no idea of what to say, and after some awkward silence, I finally left. My purpose had been achieved: I knew I couldn't hate him. I had no reason to. I wasn't like Fllay: Natural or Coordinator, it made no difference. Kira was a Coordinator, but he was also a friend.

And besides, the events of the war kept us busy for the next few days: Natarle, Mwu, and Fllay were transferred, we were betrayed at Alaska, Panama was attacked, and finally, with nowhere else to go, we returned to Orb in an effort to regroup. I was eating my lunch when we docked at Orb, and when I went to return my tray, I saw that one of the trays had never been taken. "Why is this tray still here?" I asked. Turns out it was meant for the pilot, but no one had come to take it. Suddenly, I remembered the look in eyes as he had told me he hadn't been the one who'd killed Tolle…but of course that didn't matter at all! Serves him right, I thought to myself as I walked out of the cafeteria…and as I stopped and turned around…and as I picked up his tray…and as I found myself walking down to the brig, tray in hand. Well, everyone needs to eat, I thought to myself, trying to justify what I was doing. That's all. It's nothing more. It's nothing more at all.


	2. Slow Reconciliation

I have noticed an increasing trend that fanfic writers will thank their reviewers before (or after) each chapter. I actually rather like the idea, so I've jumped on the bandwagon and will be doing the same P And now, with no further ado…

Miriallia Elthman: My first reviewer! Thanks for your comment; I was glad to see someone liked my story! Glad to hear I was able to recreate that scene well; spent a long time playing, pausing, typing, and repeating. Good to know it was worth it!

Trisha: Thanks! I love this pairing so much…I'm glad to see more and more stories being written about them. I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

aishiterudean: Hope I haven't disappointed you with this next chapter! Definitely spent more time creating my own "off screen" scenes between the two, but I still tried to keep it as accurate as possible. I hope you like it!

Lomiothiel: Thanks for the suggestion! I made their sections longer this time, so hopefully you'll like that better. I actually try to stay away from titles like "Dearka's POV" because I think it interrupts the flow of the story, but I threw them in this time, just to see how they work. If it looks like people like that better, they'll be here to stay. Thank you again!

xWHRobynx: I'm glad you liked it! I enjoy your stories too, and I hope to see you update soon!

maboroshi: Thank you for your compliment! I don't write often in first person; of the four stories I've authored, only one is mainly first person. Glad to see I haven't disappointed you!

Miss Akira: Well said! All I have to say is…Dearka and Miriallia had better be in Gundam Seed Destiny! At least Miriallia shows up in the promotional trailer…keep your fingers crossed!

Dearka

Several days had passed since I'd seen her. Left alone, I spent most of my time sleeping. There wasn't anything else better to do. One day, however, as I lay moodily in my bed, I heard footsteps and then her voice. "Your lunch," she said, sliding it through the bars. Surprised, I turned to look at her.

She was staring at the ground, and I could tell she wasn't in a happy mood. "People were arguing…Sorry for being late," she said shortly. I sat up and stared at her.

She noticed me looking and glared. "What?" she demanded petulantly.

It was actually kind of cute. "Eh, nothing," I managed good-naturedly. Then I said nervously, "I didn't think you'd be the one to bring it."

"'You?!'" she demanded angrily.

Oops, apparently I was rude. Well, I certainly wasn't going to attempt that long complicated name of hers; she'd just get angrier. So I just said, "I'm sorry…Miss 'You,'" though I admit I did say it somewhat jokingly.

"It's Miriallia. It's not "'you.'"

Well, this was a surprise! "I can call you by your name?" I asked hopefully. Maybe there was hope for…I don't know what, but maybe there was hope after all!

"No!"

So much for that.

…………………

_Miriallia___

The nerve! I bring him food and he tries to be smart with me! Who does he think we are, friends? How dare he ask to call me by my name!

…Then again, I was the one who insisted on not being called "you," or "Miss You," for that matter. Stupid men. I turned to storm off huffily.

"Hey wait!" he suddenly said, jumping out of bed. "What?" I said irritably. "What's with this ship? Why am I constantly confined here? There can't still be a battle…Isn't this a bit weird?"

"I know that! But, it can't be helped," I shot back. Who does he think wants to feed him all the time?

He was getting bolder by the minute. "Where is this place? When can I get the hell out of here?!" he demanded.

"It's Orb. But it's not like we can get off the ship either," I said resentfully. "What happens to you is of no concern to me," I finished frostily, flouncing my way out.

Lucky him, I thought to myself, storming down the hall. I really didn't see how he could possibly have any complaints. He had his food, didn't he? Okay, so maybe he was a prisoner of war, but at least his so-called allies didn't go about stabbing him in the back and abandoning him. Sighing, I stopped and leaned against the wall. The memory of Alaska made my head hurt. Why did I ever get myself into this? What a naïve girl I was then…I could still remember telling Kira how "we all decided to help out." Ha! Look where that got us! I knew war was ugly, but I certainly hadn't expected all this…Tolle's death, being abandoned by the Earth's forces, having to feed some smart ass pilot…

Well at least I didn't have to do that last one. At least, not on a regular basis.

I was still daydreaming when I heard someone call out to me. "Private Haww!"

I opened my eyes. It was one of the officers. "What is it?" I asked.

"The captain would like to see you. Please go meet her in her office."

I blinked, confused. What did I do? But then I calmed myself down. Sure, the captain was the captain, but in many ways, she was like an older sister. I'm sure she just had something she needed to tell me, I reassured myself, nodding my thanks and heading towards her office.

Her office was only a short ways away. I knocked on the door. "Captain?" I called.

"Come in," and the door slid open.

I walked in and saluted. She returned the salute, then said, "Private Haww, sit down please. I have something I would like to discuss with you."

I nodded and sat down. The captain folded her hands and looked at me very seriously. Uh oh…this can't be good.

"Private Haww, I know it's been a hectic time for all of us, and especially you. Losing Private Koenig was hard on all of us, and I can understand what you've been feeling. You have my condolences."

"Thank you," I whispered, blinking back tears.

She continued. "However, I must remind you that this is a war. You are a commissioned soldier," and her mouth twitched dryly. She must be remembering Alaska as well. She sighed and continued. "And there are expectations you must fulfill. As soldiers, we cannot allow our feelings to get in the way of our duty, and sometimes, our duty is following rules. Do you understand what I'm getting at?"

I nodded slowly, a sinking feeling slowly forming in my stomach. She had to be talking about…

"I am, of course, referring to the incident with the prisoner."

Damn.

She raised an eyebrow. My reaction must've been obvious. "Of course, I am not blaming you completely for the incident. I would discipline Second Class Private Allster if she was still onboard, but unfortunately, she's not. Private Argyle explained to me that the prisoner had done something to provoke you. However, saying 'I was provoked' is not going to satisfy anyone in the event of a court martial. I can guarantee you that much. Had your attack on the prisoner been successful, there would have been drastic consequences, consequences that I would not have wanted you to suffer. I do commend you on saving his life, however."

"Thank you," I mumbled, face burning. Oh, this was so embarrassing.

The captain stood up. "Well then, you better get going," she said cheerfully. I stared. "Excuse…me?" I stammered.

She smiled at me. Wait, why was she smiling?! Oh no, this is bad…

Her next words confirmed my suspicions. "The cook informed me that you had taken the prisoner's forgotten food tray to the brig. That was very nice of you. He should be done by now, so you'd better go bring the tray back. And don't forget to take down his dinner later either. We don't want him to starve now, do we?"

My jaw dropped. "Captain!" I sputtered in disbelief. "Are you saying that I-"

"-Will be responsible for feeding him and taking care of him until further notice? Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. Consider this a lesson on how to deal with your emotions. Dismissed, Private Haww!" she said with a wave of her hand, shooing me out.

So much for not having to feed him on a regular basis.

…………………

Dearka

"Way to lead a guy on," I muttered to myself, wiping my mouth with a napkin as I recalled the events of the last half hour. That girl definitely had some issues with mood swings. First she tries to kill me, and then she saves my life. Then she brings me my food voluntarily, but gives me a nasty attitude about it. She complains when I call her "you," or even "Miss You," tells me her name, then refuses to let me call her by name! Really!

Women. Who needs them?

I sighed. Who was I kidding? I like women, maybe even a bit too much, as Yzak used to constantly remind me, especially whenever I was flipping through Athrun's swimsuit magazine. But who was he to talk? Even Nicol had read it, and I'd caught Yzak looking at it a few times too! I smiled at the memory. Athrun Zala, of all people, having a subscription to a swimsuit magazine. I should've threatened to tell Lacus Clyne on him when I had the chance…

At that thought, I scowled and shoved the food tray back under the slot. Yeah right, tell on him indeed, especially since I was now locked up as a prisoner of war. I threw myself back on the bed. At least I'd gotten to see her again, and at least I knew her name now, even if she wouldn't let me call her by name. In any case, at this rate, it's not like I'd ever see her again-

The door to the brig opened. I rolled over and pretended to be asleep. I wasn't in the mood to see one of the ship's officers-

Suddenly, I sat up. Those footsteps…they didn't sound normal. In fact, they sounded rather angry. Curious, I went over to the cell bars to take a look.

What do you know, it was Miriallia. And I had been right about the footsteps; she looked furious. She stormed over to my cell, and without looking at me, swept the tray off the floor and turned to storm back out. "What, not even going to greet me?" I called over, not wanting to lose the chance to talk to her.

She gave me a murderous look. Ouch. Still cute though.

I tried again. "You already surprised me once, bringing me my lunch. Now will I have the privilege of seeing you every day?"

Miriallia glared at me, then stomped back over. She jabbed her index finger at me through the bars. "Let's just get one thing straight," she huffed. "I am NOT doing this because I want to! Got it?"

I grinned. "Ooh…someone must've gotten it for attacking a prisoner, am I right?" I teased.

She turned bright red. Looks like I was right. "None of your business!" she snapped, tossing her head and walking off. I just laughed. "Then it looks like I'll see you for dinner!" I called, waving at her and doing a little dance after she was gone. Hey, locked up or not, at least I got to be fed by a cute girl!

Sure enough, a few hours later, she showed up again with my dinner. "Thanks," I said hopefully as she slid it over to me.

Silence.

Well, can't blame a guy for trying right? I reached over to pick up the tray, then stopped and looked up.

She was still there, standing a little off to the side and facing away from me. "Hmm, not going to leave?" I asked.

She didn't turn to face me. "I don't want to come back for the tray later, so I'm waiting. Eat fast. I have other things to do," she said flatly.

I blinked, surprised. Then I chuckled and sat myself on the floor. "Well if I get to have such a cute girl accompany me while I eat, I'm certainly not going to complain," I said, starting to eat.

"You're hopeless," she said quietly, sitting herself down but still not looking at me.

Several minutes passed in silence, save the sounds I made as I was eating. I glanced up for a moment, and caught her staring at me. She quickly looked away. I took that as an invitation to attempt a conversation.

"So, ah, how're things? You know, the war and all. How did everything go?"

"If you're talking about Alaska, you guys lost," she said monotonously. I frowned. "Alaska?" I asked.

"Yes Alaska…one of your largest operations yet."

"Largest operation? Nah, the largest one should've been at Panama. Spit Break, it was called."

"What?" she said, turning to look at me. I nodded, taking a sip of water. "Operation Spit Break…The target was Panama; meant to wipe you guys out, really," I said mildly.

She shook her head slowly. "No…I remember being told that your original objective had been Panama, but at the last minute, you changed it to Alaska."

I shrugged. "Maybe. I guess that would make sense. I'm just a soldier; I don't do administrative stuff. Shame that ZAFT lost though." I paused. "Hey, just how badly did we lose?"

"You were wiped out. The Earth's forces activated the Cyclops system. Completely destroys everything within a certain radius," she said in an odd voice. She suddenly stood up. "I need to go. Are you done eating yet?"

I nodded. "Yeah…thanks again," I said, pushing the tray towards her. She just nodded, picked it up, and hurried out. I frowned at her retreating form. What was that all about? What had happened?

…………………

_Miriallia___

Why did he have to ask about Alaska? Why why why? I really didn't need to be reminded of it, to say nothing of the fact that we'd fled from battle and then deserted. Really, I get a new headache every time I have to deal with him.

But it wasn't as if I could do anything about it. Orders were orders, and I had to follow them. As I walked towards the cafeteria to return his tray, I saw Ssigh running towards me. "Milly!" he called, waving at me. "What is it?" I asked.

Ssigh finally caught up to me. "Did you hear about Panama?" he asked. I shook my head. "I thought they were done at Alaska. Did ZAFT attack Panama too?" I asked. Ssigh nodded. "It was bad. ZAFT won this time…slaughtered a bunch of Earth's soldiers while they were at it. Thing is, they had already surrendered. Didn't have so much as a knife on any of them. I heard the captain discussing it with Uzumi."

I shook my head sadly. "Why…" I said softly to myself. "Why do people have to kill each other like this? Do they really hate each other that much?"

The question was still on my mind when I went to bring food to the pilot the next day. As I stood waiting for him to finish, I suddenly asked, "Do you enjoy killing people?"

He looked up at me. "Well…" he said solemnly. I knew he was trying to choose his words carefully. He finally resumed. "It's war. Not much of a choice, really. The army says do it, you do it. That's what being a soldier is all about: following orders."

I turned on him angrily. "Is that so?!" I snapped. He started, dropping his fork. I continued to rant. "So if the army tells you to commit mass murder, you'll do it? Because they're 'orders?' Is that it?"

He looked at me silently. "What happened?" he asked quietly.

"Panama," I spat, fighting to keep my emotions in check. "You guys attacked Panama. This time, you won. And you killed surrendering soldiers while you were at it!"

I could tell I surprised him. "We did?" he asked quietly. I nodded furiously. "You better believe it! They had surrendered too! Why? WHY?! Tell me!" I shouted. He could only look at me sadly. "I…I don't know why," he said quietly. He turned to look at me pleadingly. "Believe me, I've never heard of that done before. Are you sure you heard right?"

How dare he! I snatched the tray from him. "Hey!" he protested. I ignored him. He tried again. "Look…didn't you say yourself ZAFT got 'wiped out' at Alaska? I'm not trying to sound self-righteous, but this is war. You have to accept that. Killing happens. If you tell me what happened at Panama is true, then I'll believe you. But you're a soldier too. Dirty things like this…they happen. You should know that."

I stared at my feet. Clutching the tray tightly, I whispered, "Oh, I know. Believe me, I know," as I walked out.

Shortly afterwards, an announcement was broadcasted throughout the entire ship, calling all crew members to meet in the hangar. I turned to Ssigh and Kazui. "Any idea what this is about?" I asked. They shook their heads.

Soon enough, the entire crew had assembled. The captain came out to meet us.

"Currently, the Earth Alliance Naval Fleet is advancing towards Orb," she announced.

There was a collective gasp. She continued. "Unless Orb decides to side with Earth and attack PLANT together, they will consider Orb as a nation that supports ZAFT. That is the reason."

"What is that?!" an officer demanded.

"Orb currently maintains its neutral stance, and is trying to solve this in a diplomatic matter, but unfortunately, judging from the current response from Earth forces, I'll have to say the chances of evading conflict are very slim. Orb has ordered all citizens to evacuate any metropolis, or military-related buildings. They will also be in defensive formation in case something happens. We too, must make a decision. Currently, the Archangel is a renegade ship. It has not been confirmed whether we can enter or not. There is no one here who can give us orders to prepare us for what's in store for Orb, and nor do I carry the authority to order any of you around."

Another gasp. Ssigh and I looked at each other in bewilderment.

"If they are unable to avoid this, the battle will commence two days from today, at 09:00. Do we fight against Earth to protect Orb? Or don't we? That's something we must all decide for ourselves. And for those who would like to disembark from this ship, please do so right away and evacuate according to Orb's orders." More gasping from the crowd.

The captain smiled. "For following an inadequate captain like myself up to this point…I thank you," she finished, bowing.

We were all in shock. How could this be? Ssigh, Kazui, and I walked back together to our quarters, still stunned by the captain's announcement. Kazui broke the silence first. "We…can leave. Finally," he said incredulously. I looked at Ssigh. He looked pensive. "…Ssigh?" I asked.

He looked at me. "Hehe…yeah, looks like we can leave. But…" and he trailed off.

Kazui stared at him incredulously. "But what? Aren't you thrilled? We're finally free!"

"Yeah…I guess," he said quietly. Kazui grinned. "That's more like it! Wow, I can't wait to get off this ship. It's a pity that Orb's been pulled into such a mess, but I'm sure we can all start over! This will have to blow over eventually, right?"

"…Right," Ssigh and I said distractedly. "Well, I'm off to pack. I'll see you guys soon!" Kazui said, running off excitedly. We watched him leave. Ssigh chuckled. "I haven't seen Kazui this happy in a long time. This will be good for him," he said.

"Yeah…" I murmured, staring off into space. Ssigh smiled at me. "Let me guess…you're thinking of staying, right?" he asked.

I smiled thinly. "How did you know?"

Ssigh chuckled. "Well, I'm thinking the same thing," he said. I stared at him. "Why?" I asked. He shrugged. "I feel like I can make a difference here. I'm needed here. Besides, Orb is my country, right? Not that I'm saying you need to do anything!" he said quickly.

I laughed. "No no, I was thinking the same thing actually," I reassured him. Sighing, I said, "After all, that's why we enlisted in the first place, right? To make a difference? Besides, it's not as if we're fighting for the Earth anymore."

"No, we're just guilty of treason now, that's all," Ssigh said dryly. We both let out disconsolate sighs, then burst out laughing. "Well, I guess that's that," I announced. "Hopeless or not, I'm in this to stay. You're right, we're needed. We have our job to do, and our country to defend. How can we possibly run away now?"

Ssigh nodded. "You're right," he said.

Soon afterwards, we announced our decision to the captain. She stared at us, surprised. "Are you sure? You do realize the situation you're putting yourselves in, right?" We nodded. She tried again. "But your friend, he's leaving, isn't he? Why aren't you going with him?"

"We just want to stay…that's all," I said simply, smiling at her. She looked at us, tears in her eyes. Finally, she nodded. "Very well then…Thank you Private Argyle, Private Haww. Your help will be much appreciated." She paused for a minute, then said, "Oh yes, Private Haww, since your friend is leaving, we're going to need a new CIC. Care for the job?"

I grinned. Saluting, I said, "Yes, ma'm! You can count on me!"

The next two days passed by in a blur. I was busy training for my new job, and everyone was frantically readying themselves for combat. Finally, just hours before the battle was to begin, the captain called me aside.

"Yes?" I asked. She handed me something. It was the prisoner's flight suit. I looked at her, a confused expression on my face. She shrugged. "No point in having him still locked up here, right? Especially since we're not with the Earth anymore. Give his suit back to him, and arrange for his release. Be sure to get him some civilian clothing too; you can ask one of the other officers to take care of that. Then head back to the bridge. The battle will commence shortly, so be sure to hurry." I nodded, saluted, then ran off. Looks like I would finally be free of him…but I couldn't quite tell if I was relieved or not. But it didn't matter, because I would never see him again anyway.

…………………

Dearka

Even though I had told her dirty things did happen in war, for some reason, the news about Panama bothered me greatly. We had killed surrendering soldiers? But why? It made no sense. But then again, I knew PLANT had been getting increasingly desperate to end the war. Patrick Zala had recently succeeded Siegel Clyne as the chairman of PLANT's high council, and I knew what a radical he was. But still…would we stoop so low? Miriallia had to have been telling the truth; her angry reaction was proof of that. I couldn't help but wonder if Yzak and Athrun had attacked Panama. No, they had to have helped. But would they kill people like that? But what if they really had been ordered to do that? It was strange: I knew awhile ago, even if I had been ordered to do so, I probably wouldn't have minded much. They were just Naturals, after all. They were pests to be eliminated.

But that wasn't true. Miriallia was proof of that. I had been forced to admit to myself that we were the same. Maybe we were a little different genetically, but when it really came down to it…we were the same. We were all human. It was hard to swallow, especially for someone like me. I remembered how gung ho I had been about enlisting. It had caused a huge rift to develop between me and my father. He said he saw no point in me enlisting; he wanted me to become a biologist or something. I should take advantage of my resources, he had said, pointing out our PLANT's strong biology and medical program. He was worried about the decreasing birthrates among Coordinators, but he himself, as a member of the high council, didn't have time to investigate personally. So he hoped I would.

But I'd refused. Becoming a scientist or doctor seemed so boring. Fighting in a war would be much more interesting. Besides, I did dance as a hobby. I knew I was quite the athlete. To just let that go to waste would be a true misuse of my talents, I'd argued. And besides, if he was so interested in making Coordinators stronger, what better way than to go wipe out the inferior Naturals? We were never able to reach an agreement, and I finally just left, enrolling in the academy myself. And sure enough, I excelled. I didn't have the focus or determination some of the others hand, but I had the talent. When they told me I'd graduated as one of the top five, I acted like it was no big deal. To me, it really wasn't. No, the real fun would begin when I was on the battlefield. That's when I'd get to show those Naturals what Coordinators were made of.

But since I obviously no longer thought that way, it brought up the issue of what I would do the next time I went out on the battlefield. Well, no point in thinking about that. There was no way the Earth was going to let me off easy. I could already see the writing on the wall. The only thing that might get me off was my age, but considering how sending people my age to the frontlines was now commonplace for both sides, I really didn't think it'd do me much good.

I was lying on my bed sorting out all these thoughts when she came down. Strange thing was, she had already brought down my breakfast a few hours ago, and when she unlocked my door, I knew something was up. "A trial? A transfer?" I asked, sitting up. I was bored, and just about anything would be better than staying here. "This ship is going into combat," she explained. "Orb is going to be assaulted by Earth forces."

"Huh?"

She ignored me. "So, they say you're done now…you're free," she said coolly, and tossed me my flight suit. I sat there stunned for a few seconds, then ran out after her.

"Wa-Wait a minute! Hey! What does that mean?" Earth against Orb? Me suddenly going free? It made no sense.

Clearly she missed the point, or she didn't care to answer. "What, weren't you listening when I said that?" she said in an annoyed voice. "Since Earth forces are attacking, Archangel needs to fight too. So it's pointless to keep you tied up. So…get off the ship."

"No, but why are you guys fighting against the Earth?!" Women always missed the point.

"It's because Orb isn't going to side with Earth."

That surprised me, and I stopped following her. "What? What does that mean?" How could a country on the Earth not side with the Earth? Didn't they care about unity? Why were Naturals wasting time fighting other Naturals? "Are Naturals that dumb?"

That stopped her. "So what if they are?!" she demanded, turning around. "Once they start attacking, it'll be total chaos. Sorry, but figure the rest out on your own."

So harsh. I sighed and rolled my eyes. "What can I do, if you say that?" I grumbled. Then I asked quickly, "Hey, what about Buster?"

"It was ours to begin with. Morgenroete took it." I groaned. So much for that.

…………………

_Miriallia___

I felt a little sorry for him. Captured, his mobile suit taken away from him, and then dumped far away from any of his fellow Coordinators, it couldn't get much worse. I sighed and turned around. "I'm sorry that things turned out like this," I said, then turned back around to walk off.

Suddenly he was grabbing my arm. "You're fighting too?!" he demanded.

"I'm Archangel's CIC!" I shot back, shaking him off. "And besides…Orb is my country," I finished, leaving him alone and returning to my position on the bridge.

As I walked back, I couldn't help but think what a pity it all was. If it weren't for this war, could we have had something? Not romantically, of course! Of course not that! My heart was still Tolle's, even if he was gone. And, yet…

I had to admit, despite our bad start, we had more or less gotten along. In fact, I had never felt freer to speak my mind in front of anyone else. With Kira, and even Tolle, I had always felt like the big sister. I had to be the responsible one, because if I didn't do the job, who would? With the exception of Ssigh, I had been the oldest out of the group, even if it was sometimes only by a month or two. But sometimes, it had really felt like a year or two. I was the one constantly looking out for everyone. I had been the one to try to control Fllay's anti-Coordinator sentiments in front of Kira. I had been the one to worry over everyone. I had been the one who needed to appear calm, unruffled, even in the scariest of times. The result? In the end, I had snapped. I nearly killed someone, all because I had always tried to hold in my true emotions.

But with him, it had been different. I could cry, scream, snap, and yell at him all I wanted, not because I was trying to abuse him, but because I sincerely wanted or needed to. With him, I didn't have to keep up appearances. We owed each other nothing, and that had been liberating for me. He saw me for who I truly was, and I didn't care if he didn't like what he saw. In fact, strangely enough, despite seeing me at my worst times, he hadn't seemed to have cared. He actually…seemed to like me that way.

I shook my head vigorously. No matter. He was gone now. I was sure at this moment he was cleaning himself up, getting himself some new clothes, and getting off the ship as fast as he could. I couldn't blame him. He was finally free, and not even as a prisoner, but as a civilian. He could go back to ZAFT, and we'd probably have to end up shooting him down again. I was strangely saddened by that thought. As I sat myself down in my new chair, I wondered…What would happen if we met on the battlefield again?

"Orb's forces have begun to fight," Ssigh announced.

"Archangel, launch," the captain ordered.

"Strike, please launch," I said, after Kira took off with Freedom.

It had begun.


	3. Breakthrough?

Guess who's back! I apologize for the long wait…I know I haven't updated since, ah, September…oops. But I started this story during the summer, before school started. And let's just say…sophomore year hurts. Fanfiction is a hobby, and unfortunately, only to be indulged in when I have time. Which I have seemed to be sadly lacking in.

But enough rambling! I just want to reassure everyone that once I start a story, I finish it. And of course, I want to thank everyone who's been so great and reviewing this story!

Angel of Dreams: Thanks! I'm glad you think I'm portraying their relationship well! I spend so much time finding every scene they're in, every line they say, that I'm glad it's paying off. And as for the flashback, yes, most of this story will be a flashback (with some extra "off-screen" parts of course, ehehe…)

Zeta Gundam: Glad to see I'm a source of inspiration! And speaking of which…how about you? I can't wait to see the next chapter of your story!

Doctor Kiba and KS and TJ: Thanks for the review! I like Cagalli and Athrun too, though I have to say my personal favorite is Dearka and Milly (as if that weren't obvious enough, haha). I hope you enjoy this next part!

Miriallia Elthman: Ooh, a second review. Thanks so much! I hope I don't disappoint you with this next chapter!

Aishiterudean: Thanks for the compliment! It gets difficult writing off-screen parts that still match the on-screen parts, but it's still so much fun. Thanks for the encouragement; I'm glad to see people like them!

Charice: I know, I hate cliffhangers too sweatdrop But…it gets readers to come back…right? Right? I hope you still read this, and I hope you like it! Thanks for the review!

Saying FG: Thanks for the review! I'm glad I'm still able to portray the characters faithfully in regards to the anime. I'm pretty picky about staying as true to the series as possible; after all, I'm trying to show that this relationship, in my opinion, definitely could've been there during the show. Thanks again!

Lilykt7: Thank you! I hope you like this next part!

Xiaoj: I've continued! Hope you haven't been disappointed!

ShinigamiZero16: Thank you for the review! Please enjoy this next part!

XxravenwingxX: I'm glad to hear you like my style! I know first person isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I'm glad to see you appreciate it. Thanks!

Cho: Sorry for the delay! I'll try to get the next chapters done quicker; this was a particularly difficult part to write. Don't worry, I will never lose interest in this story. Thanks for your review!

Dearka

I stared helplessly at her retreating back, still not completely sure of what had just happened. When she finally disappeared from view, I finally realized exactly what kind of situation I was in:

I had just been kicked out of a ship that was about to go into a fight it was sure to lose, wearing nothing but flimsy, and frankly, smelly prison clothes. I reached up to scratch my head and winced. Ugh. A shower was definitely in order. Too bad there wasn't any time for it.

I sighed. What could I do? The most important thing right now for me to do was save my albeit smelly skin and get myself off the ship. After some wandering, I found a small crowd of people in civilian clothes that I figured were all disembarking. I went up to someone who looked close to my age and tapped his shoulder. "Excuse me-" I began.

The guy turned around, stared at me, and jumped. Backing a little away from me, he stammered, "You…you…you're that captured ZAFT pilot!" he squeaked.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, they're letting me go, really!" I added indignantly as he gave me a skeptical glance.

"Anyway," I continued impatiently, "are you guys all disembarking?" He nodded. I sighed in relief. "Good, I'm in the right place."

"Uh…yeah," the guy muttered, turning a little away from me. We stood in awkward silence for a few more moments, then the guy ventured, "Um, hey…that's what you're wearing?"

Well excuse me! I glared at him, causing him to back away from me again. "If you don't mind, up until a few minutes ago, I WAS a prisoner of war. YOUR prisoner of war, I may add. Of course this is what I'm stuck wearing!" I snapped irritably.

"S-Sorry," the guy stammered. Taking a deep breath, he said, "If…if you want, I know where you can get some civilian clothes. And take a quick shower. Not that I mean anything by that!" he added quickly, nervously.

I stared at him, then shrugged my shoulders. A bit on the socially inept side, but I guess he was just trying to be nice. "That'd actually be great, thanks," I said a little grudgingly, following him as he started off somewhere.

We didn't go far. The guy led the way to the men's showers and said, "You don't have much time, but go ahead and take a quick shower. I'll go get you some clothes…you look like you're just a little bigger than Kira," he finished, muttering as he headed out.

I quickly stripped off my clothes and stepped into the first shower I'd had in weeks. Pretty soon, the guy came back with a pile of clothes. "Here," he said, setting the pile down. "There wasn't much, but hopefully these'll fit. Oh, and I got you a bag for your flight suit."

"Thanks," I called over the sound of the water. Turning off the water, I stepped out and dressed quickly, eyeing myself momentarily. Khaki jacket, green shirt; guess I matched well enough. Stuffing my flight suit into my newly acquired bag, I glanced up at the guy. "Hey, thanks," I said. "What's your name?"

"Kuzzey Buskirk. I'm friends with Kira and Ssigh and Miriallia."

I blinked. "Eh? Only…she's staying?" I stammered. I had no idea who "Kira" or "Ssigh" were, but I assumed they were leaving too.

Kuzzey lowered his head. "Actually…I'm the only one leaving," he said ashamedly. "I never asked for this job," he said pleadingly. Looking up at me, he continued, "You know, we were all students. But then we saw something we shouldn't have seen, and we were taken aboard this ship. Eventually we all enlisted, but…" and he trailed off.

I reached out and clapped him on the shoulder. "No...I can see why you're leaving," I said quietly.

"I…I just wanted to help end this war," Kuzzey said. I nodded. "I know how you feel," I replied. "But you know…there're other ways too. Ways that don't involve fighting."

I must've said the right thing, because his face brightened. Nodding, he said, "Yeah, Ssigh told me that too. But thanks. I'm just glad I'm not some failure," he finished as we left the showers and disembarked the ship. Once we got off, he pointed to some ships. "I'm supposed to go on those. All citizens of Orb are being evacuated. But…what about yourself?" as he gave me a sidelong glance.

I shrugged helplessly. "Honestly…I don't know. I guess I'll have to find some means of getting to Carpentaria."

Kuzzey started, then gave me a small smile. "Oh…right," he said quietly. "You're going back to ZAFT…"

Something twisted in my stomach as he said that. Ignoring it, I put on a tight smile and nodded. "Yeah, gotta get back to ZAFT and do my duty. I'd be deserting otherwise, you know."

He nodded a little sadly. "Yeah…guess so. Well, good luck," he said, putting out his hand. I shook it and watched as he boarded the ship. Finally, I turned and headed away from the beach. It was going to be a bit of a walk, but maybe I could find someplace with a phone or something before the fighting started…

I didn't get far. I knew I should be heading as far inland as possible, away from the beach. Instead, I found myself climbing higher and higher...and closer to the shore. I could hear the sounds of the battle over at the ocean, and yet, I still found myself coming out on a cliff overlooking the ocean, giving me a clear view of the fight. Over the water, I saw the Archangel fending off the Naturals-

But she's a Natural too. And yet…

_"I'm __Archangel__'s CIC!"_

A strange mobile suit fell out of the sky and landed near me, startling me. I watched as Strike began to fight it. Under the command of the infamous legged ship, the Archangel, as well as the pride of the Naturals, it was the same Strike that had been such a thorn in our side. That Strike was now fighting against its own side, its own kind-

Side? Kind? Was that what this war was all about? Fighting against the other who was different? Was that all? If it was, then what it was doing made no sense. What the Archangel was doing made no sense.

What she was doing made no sense. Unless…

_"And…Orb is my country."_

"ARG!"

I shook my head vigorously, turned, and ran inland. But I wasn't trying to get away. Not anymore. No, what I had just found was too important to run away from. Something was wrong, very wrong with this whole war. And I was going to do something about it.

I was going to protect her. And see an end to this insanity.

…………………

_Miriallia_

It was madness. Complete and total madness, what we were doing. Go up against the Earth Alliance? The chances of us winning just one battle were already small; winning the entire fight was nearly hopeless. If the Earth Alliance won, we'd better hope we were already dead, because once they were through with us…

Oh, screw it.

Kira was right. This was probably the most hopeless path to take, but it was the only path we could take. We were all tired of siding with one or the other in this misguided war. It was a war that pitted best friends against each other. I thought of Kira and his friend Athrun, both Coordinators. I wasn't sure why Athrun fought for ZAFT, but I knew Kira had only joined the Earth Alliance because he wanted to protect people. Not Naturals, not Coordinators, people. And that made him try to kill his best friend.

The ship shuddered as we took another blow. I gripped the sides of my chair, gritting my teeth. I thought back to Alaska, when we were all certain we were going to die.

Where we had been ordered to die.

I shook my head resolutely, sitting back up. I had been scared then. Terrified, in fact. It had seemed so unfair, that being soldiers made it okay for us to die. So long as we took a lot of Coordinators with us.

When had this war become so twisted?

But that didn't matter anymore. What was important was that we were finally fighting the true enemy: Those that cared only to exterminate all those that were different, all those that they didn't understand. And if we died in the process…so be it.

We're still soldiers. And we'll choose the manner in which we die.

Earth fighter jets swooped overhead, dropping missiles on us and bringing me back to reality. "Helldarts, fire!" the captain ordered.

Too late. The ship shook as we took yet another hit. I braced myself for more blasts…and saw a streak of green out of the corner of my eye shooting down the missiles. We all stared in shock.

"…Buster!"

The voice had been Ssigh's. I gasped, and then quickly turned to look. Sure enough, there was Buster, standing in the shallow water. It fired again, blowing the jets out of the sky.

"Get away from there, Archangel!"

The entire bridge went silent with shock at the voice. It was…him. But why? What was he doing? "Why is he…" I whispered softly, not understanding. He'd had the chance to get away from this mess, and yet-

"Private Haww!"

I snapped to attention. The captain had turned to look at me. "Establish contact with the pilot!" she ordered. I nodded, shakily keying in commands. His face popped up on the screen. "What are you doing?" I demanded, confused.

"What am I doing? What are YOU guys doing! The Archangel's a sitting duck!" he shot back, eyes shifting away as he shot down something else.

"I didn't ask for your opinion!" I snapped, momentarily forgetting the situation we were in. This was absurd! "I, er, we let you go! Aren't you supposed to be back at Carpentaria or wherever your ZAFT base is!"

"Yeah, well, I got a little distracted."

"A LITTLE distracted!" I cried shrilly. "What kind of an excuse is that! Why are you helping us? What are you doing?" I demanded suspiciously.

Maybe it was a trick of the light, but I thought I saw his face redden. "I, uh-" he began to stammer.

But before he could continue, another blast rocked the ship. I squeezed my eyes shut and gave a little shriek as I was flung forward. "Why you!" I heard him snarl angrily. Hesitantly, I opened my eyes to look back at the monitor. A ferocious expression was on his face. I cringed a little, even though I knew the look wasn't for me. "Take that!" he growled, taking aim and firing more missiles. I stared at him in wonderment, not understanding…

"Private Haww! Private Haww!"

I blinked. Lieutenant Flaga's face had appeared on the monitor. "Private Haww, who IS that? Is that the captured-"

"Yeah yeah, it's me. 'Captured-ZAFT-pilot-that-you-guys-let-go'…can't you call me something else?" the former prisoner in question muttered, then turned suddenly as one of his sensors began to blink. "Holy sh-" he gasped, staring. "What the hell is THAT?"

At the same time, I heard Ssigh call over, "Captain! A new mobile suit has appeared!"

"Can you identify it?" she asked.

"Negative! Though it appears to be of similar make as Freedom."

The Captain sucked in her breath. "Same as Freedom…" she murmured. Everyone knew what she was talking about.

"A ZAFT suit," I heard Lieutenant Flaga mutter ominously. He hesitated for a moment, then yelled over, "Hey, kid!"

"'Kid!' You…you talking to me?" the ZAFT pilot sputtered.

"Yes you! Do you have any idea what that thing is?"

"Don't ask me, I'm the one who's been locked onboard your ship for-"

"Wait…wait a minute! Captain! Look!" Ssigh interrupted the argument. "Look at what that suit's doing!"

We all turned to stare. One of the Earth Alliance's suits had taken a shot at Freedom's unprotected back, only to have the shot blocked by the new suit. "It's…helping us?" the Captain said incredulously, staring in shock.

We weren't the only ones surprised. I heard Lieutenant Flaga yell out in surprise as the suit he had been fighting took off to support its allies in the skies. "You aren't getting away that easily!" I heard him growl, only to be cut off by a swear as Strike Daggers began to flood the shore. "Why you…!" he snarled.

"Their numbers don't matter!"

At the sound of his voice, I looked once again at the ZAFT pilot's face on the screen. It was strange, observing how he looked in the midst of a fight. I had never seen anything like it: His entire body was tense, his eyes intense and focused. He was targeting enemy suits and attacking with lightning speed, and defending with equally quick reaction times. I couldn't help but stare as he went to help the lieutenant, the two of them dispatching the Strike Daggers with deadly accuracy. It was fascinating, mesmerizing…and I couldn't understand why. I couldn't understand why I couldn't stop staring at him as he and the lieutenant called over to each other, strategizing, attacking, and defending. I couldn't understand why I couldn't take my eyes off of his face, with his glittering eyes alight with grim determination to do…to do what?

A sudden realization hit me…just as I heard Ssigh announce that the enemy was retreating. I finally tore my gaze away from the monitor to watch the Earth Alliances suits fly away…as well as see the two suits confront each other. Freedom was facing the mystery suit, and I could guess that Kira was communicating with the other suit's pilot. The question was…who was he? We could only watch in tense silence.

Eventually, however, an agreement seemed to have been reached, and the two suits descended to land on the beach. "Bring the Archangel to shore," the Captain ordered.

"We're going ashore," I said wearily to the two pilots on the screen. "Roger that," the Lieutenant said briskly, cutting off the connection. I glanced towards the other face. "You…you okay?" I asked quietly.

He was slumped over in his cockpit, breathing heavily. At the sound of my voice, he lifted his head. "Yeah…" he said quietly, then suddenly cut the connection.

I blinked. "Hey!" I shouted, frustrated. "You can't just…just…ARG!" I muttered angrily…then realized the entire bridge had gone quiet. I looked up.

Everyone was staring at me. Great.

"S-sorry," I muttered, staring at my lap in embarrassment. The silence continued, until Ssigh finally whispered over, "Milly…just what did you SAY to him?"

I glared at him indignantly. "Say…say what? What do you mean by that?" I demanded. I could already feel my cheeks flaming.

Ssigh pressed on. "You know…to get him to help us? I mean, you were the one who let him go, right?"

"I didn't say a word! Nothing!" I snapped, tossing my head and stoically ignoring the silence. But despite that, I knew Ssigh had struck a nerve.

Just why had he stayed? It made no sense.

Unless…

…………………

Dearka

I had to cut her off. I knew if I hadn't, she'd ask questions. And I knew exactly what she would've asked.

Why had I stayed behind to help?

I slumped over further, groaning. I didn't want to deal with that, not now. I was exhausted, and confused enough as it was. I didn't need to deal with rejection as well.

What the hell. May as well be honest with myself: I, Dearka Elthman, had the tracings of a tiny, insignificant, high-schooled aged…crush.

…Except it was insignificant enough for me to defect from ZAFT, help out our worst enemy, and risk my head for it. Right.

Insignificant my foot.

And not only that, there was no possible way it could work. If the whole genetic thing and my-kind-and-your-kind-are-trying-to-kill-each-other war weren't enough, she was suffering from the world's nastiest heartbreak: The death of her boyfriend.

I could already see there was no way for this to have a happy ending.

These same thoughts continued to run through my head as I watched the Archangel pull in ashore. I probably would've stood and stared like an idiot even longer if it weren't for a shout.

"Kid!"

I looked down. Strike's pilot had already climbed out of his suit. He was sitting on the ground, looking exhausted. Looking up at me, he waved his hand. "Come down!" he called.

I hesitated, then shrugged. Why not. Worst they could do was throw me back in jail, and I'd already been once. Besides, I'd just helped them, so I doubted that would happen. Not if the crew of the Archangel was like what they seemed to be.

I lowered myself to the ground and walked over to him. By this time, he'd already stood up. "Thanks for the help," he said, somewhat warily.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Well…I was still fighting Naturals, right?" I said listlessly. The words just didn't sound right.

He didn't say anything, just kept on observing me critically. It was unnerving, so I turned and stared right back. Suddenly, he started to laugh. "Don't get so wound up now," he chuckled, patting me on the shoulder. "Listen, I'm grateful for your help. Especially since I was the one who shot you down and all," he joked, punching me on the arm lightly.

I blinked. "But…a mobile armor shot me down." I turned to look up at the Strike mobile suit. "Then who used to-"

He cut me off with a wave. "That kid," he said softly, gesturing towards the beach. I turned to see where he was pointing. The two suits I had seen fighting together in the sky had both landed, and the pilots were walking towards each other.

My eyes narrowed. "Can't be…" I muttered, running forward for a closer look. The other pilot followed me as we ran towards them. We were joined by a handful of soldiers, who I guessed were all from Orb, as well as a young blonde girl. I could also see the Archangel's crew members coming. Suddenly, a woman in a captain's suit stopped, extending her arm and stopping her crew members as well. We noticed and stopped as well. Even I could tell this was going to be a tense meeting…because I had recognized the pilot of the second suit.

Athrun Zala. But what was he doing here? And what did he have anything to do with that other pilot?

The soldiers from Orb recognized the red ZAFT flight suit and aimed their guns at him. I tensed. Athrun was my comrade, and if they threatened him-

"He's not the enemy," the other pilot suddenly called out, raising his hand as they continued to walk towards each other.

Huh?

"Athrun?"

I blinked. Had I just said something out loud? No, it was the blonde girl who had spoke, and she was staring at the two with an expression of fear, hope, and anticipation. I stared at her Orb commander's uniform, and then went back to stare at the scene in front of me. How did she know him?

The two stopped a few feet away from each other. Everyone held their breath. Suddenly, a (strangely familiar looking) robot bird flew in and landed on the other pilot's shoulder, and I heard the pilot say softly, "Hello, Athrun."

Him too! How in the world did he-

"Kira…" Athrun stammered out.

Okay. NOW I'm confused.

But before I could become any more confused, the blonde girl suddenly ran towards them. Flinging her arms around both of them, she sobbed, "You idiots!"

That seemed to do it. Both Athrun and…Kira smiled at each other, and everyone else around me relaxed. I, on the other hand, still stared at the scene in shock and confusion. "Athrun…?" I said quietly. What was he doing here? I watched as the three laughed and started conversing with each other like…like…

"Old friends," said a voice. I turned to look at Strike's pilot. "Those two…are old friends," he said quietly, observing the scene with a smile. He turned to look at me. "Been best friends since they were little, and yet, they were forced to fight against each other. War's a scary thing, isn't it?"

I nodded, staring at my feet. A thought hit me, and I turned back to him, "But Athrun's a Coordinator! How did they-?"

Strike's pilot cleared his throat. Looking at me straight in the face, he said, "Kira's a Coordinator too."

I was stunned. "This…entire…time," I whispered dazedly. Things were changing much too quickly for me to grasp. "Strike's pilot…has been a Coordinator? But…why?"

"Ask him yourself sometime…if you stick around for that long," he said dismissively, turning and walking away from me. "What are you still standing there for?" he asked. "Come on, I'm taking a shower. No time to waste now, Earth Alliance will be attacking any moment now."

"I…can come?" I stammered stupidly. Okay, not throwing me back in jail was one thing, but welcoming me with open arms? Something altogether different.

"If you wish," a new voice said.

I stared at the woman in front of me. She was relatively young, a few years older than me like Strike's pilot, but still younger than most Captains I had seen. She and Strike's pilot smiled at each other, and turned back to me. Extending her hand, she said, "My name is Murrue Ramius. I am the captain of the Archangel, and on behalf of everyone on my ship, I'd like to thank you for your help."

Strike's pilot nodded. "Mwu La Flaga, lieutenant" he said, also shaking my hand. "Though you might know me better as the Hawk of Endymion. I used to pilot a mobile armor until Kira," and he jerked his thumb, "brought THAT thing back with him. Now I get his leftovers," he chuckled.

I shook both their hands. "Dearka Elthman," I said, introducing myself. Scratching my head in embarrassment, I said, "I'm a Coordinator who was shot down by a Natural," I chuckled weakly. The captain gave out a delicate laugh and the lieutenant winked at me. I smiled and added, "And I actually know him. Athrun," I clarified. "We're in the same team, the Le Klueze Team."

The captain glanced at lieutenant, who for some reason didn't seem too happy to hear my commander's name. "Oh…right," I muttered, embarrassed. "You two are the heroes of the battle at Yggdrasil for ZAFT and the Earth Alliance."

"Oh. Right. That," he muttered dismissively, lost in thought. He seemed to want to say more, then clammed shut. Shaking his head, he waved back towards the Archangel. "Anyway! Feel free to shower and rest. Orb will see to it that Buster is taken care of." He and the captain saluted me, and then turned and headed back to the ship. I followed.

"Hey."

I stiffened. Her.

She was standing a little off to the side by herself, staring at the sand. The rest of her crewmates had already dissipated, and I could see one of them with Athrun, Kira, and that blonde girl from Orb. I waited for her to say more.

Silence.

I cleared my throat. "So…what's up?" I said with mock cheerfulness, my voice cracking. I winced. Damn. That hadn't happened since I was twelve.

"What do you mean, 'what's up?'" she demanded, glaring at me.

I winced. Talk about being harsh when I least needed it. "I…I need to shower," I finally muttered, turning to leave. I was tired, sore, confused, sweaty, in love, and now, I was being yelled at. Not what I needed.

"W-wait!"

I groaned. She tells me to stop, yells at me when I try to talk, then tells me to stop again. Why did this treatment feel so familiar? I turned to tell her that I was that I was tired…and stopped.

Hmm. Once again, a familiar feeling.

She was staring at me, those big blue eyes of hers silently pleading with me to…to what? "Look…I…I…" she stammered, then finally blurted out, "Why are you here?"

Oh no. Not that. Anything but that.

I closed my eyes briefly to shut out those eyes, then opened them again once I'd cleared my head. "I…I don't know," I whispered, staring at my feet.

More awkward silence. I could tell this wasn't going to get anywhere. I tried a different tactic. "Hey…I'm going to shower and change, okay? But…we can talk later, right?" I asked.

"…Later?" she whispered. Why did she suddenly look so scared?

"Later as in…fifteen minutes later?" I said hopefully. Smiling at her, I said, "Hey, I'm a guy! This'll be quick!"

She blinked. "Oh…right," she said haltingly, uncertainly. "So…fifteen minutes. At Morgenroete?" she asked, pointing to a distant building. "Where Buster will be," she clarified.

I nodded. "Sure, fifteen minutes," I said in what I hoped was a reassuring manner. She glanced at up me, nodded, then turned and quickly walked away, rejoining her comrades who were still talking on the beach. I watched her go, then turned and headed back on board the Archangel for my shower.

This was going to be one painful fifteen minutes.


End file.
